Don't it always seem to go.....

The King of Pop is dead. I'm sitting here tuning into as many radio outlets as I can and listening to interview after interview of people literally dissecting his life. He's not even cold yet. Some of the choice questions being asked just hours after his death: " Was his marriage to Lisa Marie Presley a sham? Did he die happy? And this question to his biographer...."was he really hetrosexual?" I mean, come on....! Is that really relevant right now? (Oh, they've moved onto the 'Gossip Editor' of the National Enquirer.....)

As it so happened, I was in a meeting with one of MJ's former publicists who received phone call after phone call as the news developed. "He's been taken to hospital", "he's dead", "he's not dead", "no, he's really dead". As I write this, the reports say he died of a heart attack at the age of 50. That's it. No more. The end.

After my meeting I called my homie. In recent weeks, we've had many conversations about making every single day count. Losing your job is hard, of course, but when you're not tied to the 9 to 5, the possibilites are once again endless. But death is final. Today we lost Farah Fawcett, Michael Jackson. Earlier this week, Ed McMahon passed. Talking to a friend this morning, I was told of another woman, not even sixty who died of cancer, and just a couple of weeks ago, a fellow journalist transistioned at the age of 42.

We've all had those conversations -- you know the ones...."Life's too short, you've got to enjoy it, make the most of it." And then we run back to doing what we usually do. Working too hard, not making time for those important relationships. Not doing those monthly breast exams (guilty as charged on that one). Not scheduling pap smears, dental appointments (insert annual medical test of your choice). Not eating right. Not getting enough exercise. Wasting time, energy and brain space on dead weight partners/work colleagues (again, insert your dead weight of choice). And then one day it's all over. If you have the chance to look back on your life once it's all over, do you want to look at hours and hours of you at the office, fighting with people and struggling with your health? Or would you rather spend the time laughing about the silly things you did? The special times? Those landmark days - weddings, births, celebrations?

We really do have a choice.

I remember the story of a guy who worked for the same company as me. 'Bob', we'll call him, couldn't have been more than 40, if that. He had a young family and had been feeling ill for a while. Bob kept putting off his doctor's appointment because he was 'busy at work' and he had to finish his project. Very important project. On the day he finally decided to go to get himself checked out, he died. The project was never finished and the world still turned. People talked about Bob for a couple of days. Flowers were sent to the funeral and a card posted to his heart broken family. Fast forward 6 months, a memorial was held for Bob. No one from the office went. Why? They were too busy working.

I didn't know Michael Jackson or 'Bob' or the countless other people who live to work, not work to live. But the message is coming through loud and clear.

• Money doesn't buy you happiness
• Surround yourself with people who truly love and appreciate you
• Laugh as much as you can
• Don't spend your entire life striving to do better to prove a point to others
• If anything happens to you, people in the office won't care after a week....

Feel free to add to this....and go and do something that makes you happy RIGHT NOW! Cos like Joni says, " you don't know what you've got til it's gone....."

xx

The weight of the world on (young) shoulders

Sup family?

Loads of stuff has been happening, which I'll fill you in on, but just a quick update on two things that really disturbed me over the weekend and which really illustrates why we have to be careful about what we put out in the world (ok, this won't be quick - it'll end up being as long as the Sermon on the Mount, I'm sure...but you'll understand why).

Summer is coming and it's time to keep cool and look cute, so I was out shopping over the weekend. With an arm bent out of shape thanks to the sheer weight of the clothes I was carrying (gotta love those discount stores!) I headed to the fitting room with the grumpy faced assistant (Girlfriend, it's really not my fault that you're working on a Sunday. You have a job, which is more than most folks right now.....fix ya face, as my Bajan Mama would say)

Anyway, by the time I got to dress number 10 and had placed most of the clothes in the 'maybe' pile, my ears tuned into a conversation between some young girls in the cubicle next door. They were chattering the way girls do about the outfits they were trying on, their upcoming holiday to see the family in Mexico and why it's safer to drive than to fly "Because planes just, you know, fall out of the sky and you die. Much better to drive. Why don't you drive with me?".

**SCREECH** What?! These girls couldn't have been more than about 10 years old at the absolute most, but they were having a very serious conversation about the dangers and merits of different forms of transport. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Is the media just pumping out too much bad news? Is this what they worry about? Should children even be THINKING about this kind of danger at their age? What happened to messing with Barbie and Ken? Playing jump rope and hopscotch? I so wanted to reassure them that flying is ok, that what happened with the Air France flight, isn't common, that pilots really don't die at the controls on a regular basis and it's really not that often that you'll see a plane land on the Hudson River. But if I'd said anything, bearing in mind what they see and hear on the tv and radio, they probably would've thought I was some crazy woman and been like, 'yea, whatever'.

But it gets worse. So I go back to my clothes (I'm on to skirts by this point - more in the 'maybe' pile) when the girls start talking about size. One of them said "I'm so happy - this is a size 4 and it fits!" The other girl responds; "You're so lucky to be able to wear a size 4, size 6's don't even fit me." Again, I say "WHAT?"Young girls worrying about weight and what size they are? How an outfit fits? Unbelievable.

What message are we sending out to young women ( and men too) that they have to look a certain way, be a particular size? Why not 'be the best you can be and be happy'? As women, especially, we are conditioned that 'thin is good, big is bad'. As I said to my homie the other day, I look at it this way. My shape (curvy, thank you very much) is a carbon copy of my Mum's and that of my sisters. If I continuely complain and berate my figure, then I'm being negative about them too. And in reality, would I ever say that my Mum or my sisters are unattractive because they have curves in all the right places? I would NEVER say that. Ever. So why is it ok to say it to myself and destroy my own self worth?

As older women that (should) know better, every time we complain about ourselves, we're planting seeds of doubt into the minds of our youngsters. We're giving the gift of self deprecation and years of self loathing. Just think about the things you were told when you were younger. Still rattling around in your mind, even today?

Let's try to lift the weight off of these young shoulders. Children should be just that, children. Your thoughts please...

P.S I didn't buy a thing in the end....

35 and a day and still loving it!

Happy Birthday to me -- made it to 35...woohoo!

No, I'm not weird, but I really am happy about turning 35. I'm not worried about my eggs drying up overnight, as medical reports would suggest. I'm not concerned about not reaching the goals I set as an over achieving 25 year old in my ten year plan. And I'm really not mad about not being the same size I was when I was 21 (my dress sense was awful, my hair was just wrong and honestly, I look better now, so it's really all good.)

So why am I writing this? Well, I was out running the day before my birthday, so aged 34 years and 364 days (ok, at the point I had this thought I was really walking, but you know, details) and it dawned on me that life really is good and that I really need to take a chill pill and relax.

So many things have changed beyond recognition in the last two years. I left a great career and well paying job. Rented out my home, moved to another country, got married to a fabulous man who amazes me every day. Looked for a new job (because it would be easy, right?) Couldn't find a job so started my own business. Joined a church, made new friends, ran a marathon (yes, my joints still hurt, but I'm doing another one) learned to drive on the wrong side of the road, got a book deal and have learned to live on less money than I was making as a graduate 13 years ago.

Yes, life has changed...

So back to the run. It dawned on me that we're always being told stuff like '40 is the new 30', '50 is the new 40' -- but what about being happy with where you're at?

I recall turning 30 with a certain amount of dread after returning from a trip around the world, because there were things I should have achieved... marriage, a house, some children, a glittering career (that bit was ok, but I wasn't happy, so what does that tell you?). As 35 approached, people started to ask me how I felt (especially other friends who had already turned 35) and all I could say was 'EXCITED!' Why do we view getting older as a bad thing? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to do certain things within a particular time frame? I hold my hands up and say I used to be like that, but during the run (ok, walk) I made a pledge to myself that this year, there would be none of that. I'm just going to approach everything with confidence and a smile and if it makes me feel anything less than ok, then it's out.

I don't want to hear about diets, scales of succees, lastest fashions trends, the places I should be eating, the destintions that are 'hot' right now. I don't want to be compared to others or for others to compare themselves to me. I don't want to be told that I have to have a child because my eggs are old and ready to be put out to pasture. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in denial, but I just want to embrace this life without the nonsense and toxicity that comes with it.

This blog is my way to document that feeling and share year 35 with others who are between their 30s and 40s....life is great just where we are!!! So my reasons to be cheerful this week are;

1) I'm 35 and all of my immediate family are still alive
2) I have friends I've known for 25 years
3) My husband is the kindest human being I know
4) My body still works. A few modifications here and there (not for vanity!) but it's all doing what it needs to
5) I like myself and will no longer be ruled by a dress size, my weight or what the media says I should dress in. My butt is big, thanks to genetics. My skeleton isn't even a size zero and skinny jeans just ain't happening for me. Really, it's ok. I'm a journalist, but I could strangle some of my fashion editorial colleagues sometimes. If you could start looking at stuff for women a size 10/12 up (US sizing), that would be fab. Thanks much.

Ok, enough from me - I'm off for a mani-pedi. Your comments welcome too!

More next week....

xx